Review: Small Habits for a Big Life

Title: Small Habits for a Big Life

Author: Dr. Rebecca Ray

Publisher: 28th June 2022 by Pan Macmillan Australia

Pages: 224 pages

Genre: Nonfiction (Adult) | Self-Help

My Rating: 4 cups

Synopsis:

Change is not about grand statements and sweeping gestures. It is about chipping away, a bit at a time, at the habits that hold us back.

Dr Rebecca Ray knows about the power of small habits to make big changes. By introducing small changes into her own life, she transformed her career as a clinical psychologist to become one of Australia's most effective communicators on matters of the mind. Rebecca has helped many members of her large online community and her clients do the same.

In Small Habits for a Big Life, Dr Rebecca Ray breaks down the process for her reader. She explains how we can override the part of the brain that seeks pleasure and comfort (ice cream and wine) and activate the parts that tolerate some discomfort for the sake of long-term goals (an hour of study instead of an hour of TV).

Small Habits for a Big Life clears the way for readers to embark on their own path to change and provides exactly the right amount of support along the way.

My Thoughts

I read and reviewed Rebecca’s, Setting Boundaries, and found it really worth my while. Once more she has provided a balance of solid theory and practice towards regaining your equilibrium and establishing wellbeing as a central focus. This time the focus is on understanding the steps of positive habit formation.

‘Values are the language of our authentic self, and they are foundational in habit change because they remind us that helpful habits shape and create a life that we are proud to live, and are worth the time and effort to create.’

Once again this is a practical book, backed with science and easy to follow journal questions for reflection. Rebecca provides you with the tools, case studies and strategies that can help you make small steps towards a better life. It is all about making changes that are more in alignment with your values and what is important to you. We continue doing what we do because that is comfortable but sometimes benefits come from stepping out of that comfort zone. 

‘Goals are important because life without them can pass by unchecked all too easily. When we don’t stop to reflect on whether or not we are on track to living the way we want to live, then we run the risk of living a ‘some day’ life, spending our time focused on the things we plan to do . . . some day.’

Rebecca is authentic and realistic and knows this is not an easy process - we are not programmed for this necessarily as humans. Progress is rarely in a straight line and daily living does not often accommodate such changes. Yet discomfort is part of life and of this we must be accepting. Understand that although challenging, life will be more of what you seek in the long term. 

‘It means that we focus on the process, the daily efforts towards something meaningful, the satisfaction of overcoming small problems and challenges as they occur along the way, and the little wins that bring us closer to a larger goal. This is the kind of motivation that is about daily action in line with values.’

The stars probably will not align for you to begin. However, change begins the moment you do something differently. Start small. Be imperfect. But most importantly …. start now.

This review is based on a complimentary copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. The quoted material may have changed in the final release.

Review: Setting Boundaries

Title: Setting Boundaries

Author: Rebecca Ray

Publisher: 29th June 2021 by Pan Macmillan Australia

Pages: 352 pages

How I Read It: ARC book

Genre: Nonfiction (Adult) | Self-Help

My Rating: 4 cups

Synopsis:

Setting Boundaries is not just about saying 'no'.

It is about pursuing the things that set our soul on fire, loving deeply without losing ourselves, and better resisting the demands and expectations of others.

Dr Rebecca Ray, Australian clinical psychologist and author, shows how boundaries are the key to many of the emotional and practical difficulties we encounter in daily life.

Many of us, raised to be people-pleasers, find ourselves giving in to draining colleagues, friends, partners and relatives.

In Setting Boundaries, Dr Ray shares science-based advice and tools to help you:

- identify your boundaries and when they have been crossed

- recognise the patterns and habits that have failed to support you to feel empowered

- engage in difficult conversations from a place of strength and self-kindness

- set clear, intentional boundaries and become your most loving, fulfilled and authentic self.

Accessible, inspiring and deeply practical, Setting Boundaries ignites us to rethink our relationships, reclaim our lives and protect our mental health and wellbeing.

My Thoughts

‘My mind rarely gives me just one thought at a time. For maximum effect, it floods me with thoughts that will press my buttons. The problem is that they get in the way of the boundaries I set for myself around time for self-care. If I listened to these thoughts, they urge me to work more, rest less, and take zero time out to look after myself because, ‘I have too much to do!’ But these thoughts are old.’

Most people don’t necessarily have trouble setting up boundaries but it becomes more difficult when it comes to enforcing them for your own sanity. You know what you like, you know what’s good for you … you also know the ways your energy gets drained. This is the reason I turned to this book - to understand, to trust my instincts and listen to that inner voice that would lead me in the right direction.

‘We have evolved to listen to our minds as though they speak the whole truth all the time. But minds can be a little prone to melodrama, and occasionally create a picture of reality that’s not entirely accurate.’

It is not just about saying ‘no’ - there is so much more to it. In today’s world we are faced with so many personal and professional demands and time is precious. If you are not careful you will face exhaustion at best and become lost at worst. This book is about finding ways to reclaim your time and energy that promote your values and long term goals. 

‘Setting boundaries requires us to be vulnerable - which is uncomfortable. To draw circles of empowerment around ourselves, and to respect the circles other people draw around themselves, we need to find a way through the feely stuff, to live in the deep end of life. It’s here we get to explore life in its entirety, rather than avoiding it for the illusion of comfort in the shallow end.’

Setting Boundaries helps by providing both the theory and practice in regaining equilibrium and establishing your wellbeing as a central focus. When the everyday situations and interactions become draining, it is time to return to your valued boundaries. Identify them, know them and understand that they are key to your mental health. Learning to become more mindful rather than mindlessly partaking in something knowing that it is not for you. 

‘There’s no shortage of information about what boundaries are. But it’s more difficult to find strategies that can help you communicate and reinforce your boundaries - especially when it makes you feel anxious, guilty, frustrated that you’re not being heard, or overwhelmed by a potentially unpleasant reaction. I want you to learn how to empower yourself with boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable, so that you can live unapologetically and authentically.’

This is a book that provides practical guidance when working with your personal boundaries and how to both promote and protect them whilst living with the demands of society. Embrace the life you want without being overwhelmed by emotions and situations that drain your energy. This life is not just about surviving but living - rewrite your script, define those boundaries, live the life you want and those that love you will both understand and support you. 

‘At the end of the day (and at the end of your days), you are answering to yourself about how you used your time, energy and love. Boundaries help to ensure that you use these personal resources in a way that is consistent with your values and who you want to be as a person, and that you are respected by others while doing so.’

This review is based on a complimentary copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. The quoted material may have changed in the final release.